Debut, p.1
Debut, page 1
Robert Rioux
Idol Pursuits: Debut
First published by Rioux Inc. 2023
Copyright © 2023 by Robert Rioux
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
Robert Rioux asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book and on its cover are trade names, service marks, trademarks and registered trademarks of their respective owners. The publishers and the book are not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. None of the companies referenced within the book have endorsed the book.
Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The opinions expressed are those of the characters and should not be confused with the author’s.
Second edition
ISBN: 979-8-9888565-1-1
This book was professionally typeset on Reedsy
Find out more at reedsy.com
To Ngan, with enduring love
Contents
Acknowledgement
1. A PLACE IN THE WORLD
2. IS THERE A CATCH?
3. MISFIT TOYS
4. SUNSHOWERS
5. LITTLE PINK HOUSES
6. ACQUIRED TASTES
7. SECOND CHANCES
8. MAIDEN HEAVEN
9. NOW THINGS WILL CHANGE
10. SOJU AND RAMEN
11. ROLLING IN DOUGH
12. SWIMMING THROUGH THE DAWN
13. HARDER THAN IT LOOKS
14. CROSSED WIRES
15. THE PLACE THAT SHAPED ME
16. THE COMPLICATIONS OF BEING HEATHER
17. PRICKLY PAIRS
18. MODULATIONS
19. DROOPING FLOWERS
20. SO PUNK ROCK
21. LEAVES UNTRODDEN BLACK
22. THE SACRIFICE
23. TODAY WON’T BE LIKE YESTERDAY
24. TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS
25. AFTERMATH
26. A VISION IN LUCID COLOR
27. HEATHER, ERIN, SUN-HEE, MINDY, VANESSA, AND JUNE DRIVE OUT IN A CAR TO SEE A VIEW; GRACE DRIVES THEM
Afterword
Cast of Characters
Preview of Book Two
About the Author
Also by Robert Rioux
Acknowledgement
First and foremost, I wish to express gratitude to my wife who makes everything possible through abundant patience and a huge heart. Special thanks also to Susan Chang for her expert advice, Dianne Bangle, Red Warner, and Barry Klusman for their tireless encouragement, and to muses throughout the ages for inspiring generations.
1
A PLACE IN THE WORLD
Bathed in sunlight, with expansive views of the neighboring metropolis, Grace found the St. Ignatius University campus to be the loveliest she had ever seen. Perched on a bluff overlooking Marina del Rey, the panorama before her stretched from Topanga State Park and the Malibu shore to the Hollywood Hills and downtown Los Angeles. Its prime location allowed the school to embrace the city’s restless energy while serving as a peaceful haven from its more frequent and pervasive irritations.
Echoing its foundation as a Jesuit institution of higher learning, the campus, richly adorned in tree-lined walkways and abundant green spaces, adopted the overall form of a cross. Centered on two broad pedestrian avenues intersecting at an expansive plaza near the campus’ heart stood the most important administrative buildings. Lining each mall were the primary colleges, Liberal Arts, Education, Performing and Fine Arts, Film and Television, Science and Engineering, and Grace’s second home of late, the Business school.
The architectural pièce de résistance was the Sacred Heart Chapel. Commanding a prominent spot overlooking the lush lawns of the Sunken Garden, the magnificent Spanish Gothic structure was situated at the tip of the cross. Being visible from both the campus entrance and the city below, the house of worship had become the university’s iconic symbol in the eyes of the public.
Grace often visited the palm-adorned bluffside path surrounding the chapel, preferring to stop there on her way home after class. If lucky, she’d find an unoccupied bench as a momentary resting place to unwind from the stress of studies. Her favorite moments came when soft breezes wafted from the ocean, carrying penstemon and morning glory scents.
All plans for visiting this spot were unexpectedly derailed one September afternoon when the fussy TA from Economics approached, clutching a piece of paper and shouting her surname. “Ms. So,” he cried out. Grace, who had been listening attentively to “Rum Pum Pum Pum” by f(x), struggled to remove her earbuds in time to acknowledge the address.
“Yes?”
“Are you in contact with Heather Moon, by any chance?” he asked impatiently.
“Is something wrong?”
“Professor Harding wants to know. If she drops, this form must be signed and returned by Monday.”
“She’s dropping Economics?”
“What else can we assume? She’s missed classes, skipped one test, and is behind on two assignments. You used to sit by her.”
“I’ll see what I can do. She hasn’t been feeling well lately.”
* * *
Though Heather’s Playa del Rey apartment was just ten minutes from campus, Grace had never paid it a visit. Ironic, considering how close the two had been before college. But when her friend had asked for space, Grace respectfully obliged. That request had been getting more challenging to comply with as their meetings and messages steadily dwindled to a trifle. The TA’s report was concerning, though. Indeed, the final straw. Something had to be done, even if it meant invading her friend’s privacy more than she would have preferred.
Grace located the apartment and knocked. A mussy-haired girl in square-rimmed glasses answered. She instantly frowned in disappointment.
“Does Heather live here?” Grace asked politely, ignoring the girl’s icy reception.
“Living isn’t the first word that comes to mind,” she responded. “If you’re inquiring whether an entity by that name refers to this address as her domicile, then yes.”
“Well then, might the Heather entity be present…uh, presently?” Grace winced at her own lame attempt to impress through mimicry.
“She’s sleeping,” said the girl, continuing with her stone-faced demeanor. “There’s no point in coming back, though. Nothing will change.” She opened the door wide and returned to the couch, unmuting the TV. Grace concluded it was the closest thing to an invitation she’d be getting and stepped inside. The apartment was fully furnished with mundane yet functional home products. Browns, yellows, and oranges dominated the aesthetic. The lack of shoes piled in the entryway betrayed the house’s custom.
Grace awaited further permission to proceed, but the girl was too engrossed in watching her daytime talk show to bother. A forceful throat-clearing was required to regain her attention. “Oh, her room is at the end of the hallway,” the roommate explained. “If you’re not out in fifteen, I’ll call search-and-rescue.”
Before Grace reached the hallway entrance, the girl shared an unsolicited thought. “You know, I was thrilled when Housing told me my college roommate would be a K-Pop singer. I never in a million years expected such a train wreck.” Grace nodded but inquired no further.
The knock on Heather’s door yielded no response. Grace struck harder. Not a peep. She turned the handle. Unlocked. A peek inside revealed a dingy room wreaking of stale air and resembling a mausoleum more than a bedroom. It took considerable effort to push the door open. A heavy object had fallen at its base, briefly blocking its path. A sliver of light clipped past the opaque curtains to penetrate the gloom. Grace could hear low breathing in the darkness. She felt around for a light switch but bumped a picture frame instead, nearly dislodging it from its hook. Using the faint illumination as her guide, she braved the cheerless space. A slippery substance encountered along the way made her grateful she wore shoes.
Grace managed to reach the window without breaking her neck. She ripped the curtains open. Instantly, the room was flooded with bright light. The scene that emerged was so disheartening that she was tempted to shut them again. Every inch of floor space and furniture, especially the bed and its environs, was covered by detritus. Countless plastic bags, food wrappers, dirty dishes, books, papers, and vast piles of clothing were strewn around the room as if hit by looters in the wake of a disaster. The closet contained a few hangars, all empty. The empty beer cans and soju bottles would have made a dedicated recycler’s eyes water.
Opening the windows as wide as they would go, she allowed fresh air to enter the space for perhaps the first time in weeks. A pile of clothing and blankets stirred on the futon. One tug at it revealed Heather, her face almost unrecognizable, bloated with dark bags under her eyes. The sudden exposure to sunlight and circulated air caused her to shrink away like a vampire ejected from a crypt. Heather reached for the first item she could grab, a red pullover sweater, and buried her head i
Grace pulled the sweater away and tossed it into a distant corner, far out of reach. She pinned her friend’s arms to the futon, forcing her to adapt to the new conditions. “Heather, this has gone on long enough.”
“I’m tired. Let me sleep.”
“You missed how many classes? You don’t return messages. This is not normal. People are asking. And look at this pigsty! You used to be meticulous.”
“I’m busy.”
“Give me a break. When was the last time you left this room?”
“I—” Heather turned her face away in shame.
Grace pulled the girl into an upright position and hugged her tightly. The compassion she displayed prompted her friend to sob openly. “Look, I know you’re still hurting, but you can’t throw your whole life away because of one moment.”
Heather took comfort in the words of support. “I—you know—I’m—” She was too embarrassed to finish.
“Go ahead, you can tell me.”
“I’m three weeks late.”
Grace’s eyes widened. She swept the hair from her friend’s face. “Have you tested?”
“Not yet.”
“Who’s the guy?”
Heather appeared chagrined and avoided eye contact.
Grace’s belly knotted at the realization. “You have no idea.”
“Are you slut-shaming me?”
“No. Listen. If I thought for a second you enjoyed this lifestyle, I’d be the first to cheer you on,” Grace said calmly, grabbing both sides of Heather’s head and forcing her to pay attention. “But I know you. This is not what you’re about. When we first met, you were unstoppable.”
Heather slapped Grace’s hands away and crashed to the bed. “I’m trash. It’s about time I admit it.”
The limit of Grace’s patience had been reached. “You know what’s trash?” she asked, ripping the remaining bedding off Heather’s body. “This attitude of yours.” Grabbing one arm, she dragged her friend off the futon.
“What are you doing?”
“You’re getting cleaned up. God, you weigh a ton.” Grace couldn’t recall Heather’s weight ever exceeding 45 kilograms during training. Those days seemed like a lifetime ago.
Despite the unexpected burden, she made it as far as the bathroom door. Then, Heather resigned to the interference, stopped resisting, and stood on two feet. Grace plugged the bathtub drain, opened the faucet, and poured copious amounts of salts and soap into the water. “Take a good long soak. I’ll make it nice and hot. You’ll feel better. When I return from the store, you’re taking a pregnancy test, then we’ll detoxify this landfill together.”
* * *
The light emanating from the diner shone like a beacon in the night. Shea’s was a stalwart eatery for locals and one of the few 24-hour places operating on the far east end of Santa Monica’s Pico Boulevard. After an evening scrubbing Heather’s room while commiserating over hot tea, Grace suggested a late-night excursion to de-stress. Waking for her early Consumer Behavior class would be challenging. Still, she didn’t want to miss this critical opportunity to make a difference in someone’s life.
Built in the 1930s, the curved glass façade of Shea’s had become iconic. Its cherry wood counters and stools contrasted sharply with the jade-green wall tiles. Stainless steel appliances lined the rear wall, while subtle architectural details evoked a bygone era of LA’s Streamline Moderne past. The restaurant, within walking distance of her parents’ house, was a favorite of Grace’s. She hoped its relaxed vibe would put Heather in a receptive mood for what she had to say.
A white, blonde male was wiping the menus as they entered. The only other patron, a black man in a dark blue suit, sat on the opposite leg of the L-shaped counter. “I Can’t Tell You Why,” by the Eagles, played over the sound system. Grace ordered an omelet with green onions and tomatoes. To disapproving looks, Heather chose a slice of marionberry pie with no ice cream. “I promise I’ll start my diet tomorrow,” she said. “Allow me one last indulgence.”
“At least you’re not eating for two.”
“I’ll be more careful from now on.”
“You scared me. I’ve never seen you like that.”
Heather’s expression was dour. She avoided looking at Grace as she spoke. “I downloaded that new dating app. At first, it was like a high. I could pick any guy I wanted, knowing he’d be mine by the night’s end. I felt powerful. Desirable. Loved. Yet the illusion gradually slipped away as I gorged through one encounter after the next. I realized they were using me as much as I was using them. It became so meaningless. So pointless. The last guy I was with even had the gall to search for a new date while I was getting dressed. That’s when it hit me. I felt so cheap, so worthless. It broke me.”
“Have you sought help?”
“A little.” She paused. “You could help, you know?”
“I’m an excellent listener.”
“No. I mean, consider going to therapy for me. I used up my free sessions at the counseling center and can’t afford any more.”
Grace wanted to appear receptive, but the request baffled her. “How would my therapy in any way help you?” She considered it a moment longer. “And how could you possibly be out of free ones already? The semester’s barely started.”
“You’re not using them, are you?” Heather appeared dead serious, but Grace knew from experience that looks could be deceiving. Her friend excelled at straight-faced humor. “Think about it. I’ll write my problems down; you’ll present them as yours. Afterward, just relay whatever advice they give.”
Grace looked at Heather incredulously. “I honestly can’t tell sometimes if you’re joking or not, but regardless, yeah, that’s gonna be a no from me.”
“Give me your ID then. I doubt they’ll check that closely.”
“Heather, therapy is long-term. I’m talking about here and now.”
“I’m feeling much better, thanks to you.”
“For how long? A month? A semester, tops? Call me skeptical, but I doubt you’re cured after one close call.”
“I’ll concentrate on school. My dad will be thrilled.”
“Forget him. The way you beg for his approval. It’s masochistic.”
“I want him to be proud of me.”
“I distinctly remember you saying that about 37-G Entertainment, and look how that turned out.”
“Don’t compare the two.”
“Listen. You don’t need therapy. I’ll tell you right now what’s wrong.”
Heather lifted one eyebrow. “Go ahead, then. Explain me to me.”
“When you channel your energy into something positive, you’re superhuman. Remain idle, though, and you melt away like butter on the grill. Sometimes, I think you like it that way.”
“Why would I like that?”
“Because you’re afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Success.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it? We both watched people with a fraction of your talent become idols. Why? Because they believed in themselves. They weren’t afraid to make the most of their limited gifts.”
“I believe in myself.”
“Do you? Because all I’m seeing is a scared little girl who intentionally holds herself back.”
“I’m a team player.”
“You still don’t get it. Your talent inspires people. When you give up completely, you disappoint those who count on you most.”
Heather sat with shoulders slumped towards the counter. It took many long minutes before she spoke again. “What we had in Korea, that’s not an option anymore.”
“We’ll find an alternative.”
“I’m good at exactly one thing.”
“Then try a new way.”
Heather enunciated each word in a sing-songy voice to emphasize her point. “Hello. We don’t live there anymore.”
“You’re making up excuses.”
“Grace. Come on. How can you be so dense? I can’t be a K-Pop idol in L.A.”
“Who says?”
“Um, reality.”
Grace assessed the restaurant’s two occupants. “Hey, are either of you named Reality?” The men looked up briefly before dismissing her as possibly drunk. “See, reality doesn’t care.”
