Letters in the dark, p.4
Letters in the Dark, page 4
I may have trapped you, but I’d prefer it if your captivity was as pleasant as possible. I know that a cage is a boring place.
My question is, “How did finding Craig’s body in your dining room make you feel?”
Chapter 15
18 days before the Cage, Age 31
“Yes Mary, I can take care of it tomorrow.” Cassandra said as she put her key into the door of her apartment.
“Thanks, Cassandra. I’ll see you then.”
“Okay. See you later.” She hung up the phone and put it into her pocket as she turned the doorknob.
“Craig. I’m home.” She said loudly. She closed the door and walked through her entryway. She set her purse down on the metal-framed walnut credenza. The living room was dark. She wondered where her boyfriend Craig was as she walked through the living room without bothering to turn on the light.
Her sensible black heels tapped softly in the silence of her three-bedroom home as she walked, the only sound. When she got into the kitchen, she stopped. The lights were off in this room as well. What was going on?
Drip. Drip. Drip.
It was like the sink faucet was leaking, but softer. No echo. She glanced at the sink. There was no drip. Maybe it was coming from the bathroom?
She walked into the dining room, and she stopped, her body freezing in place.
Craig lay face up on her dining room table. One arm hung over the side of the table, and a puddle of blood lay under it. Ten blood covered fingers lay in the puddle under the hand.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
She watched as the blood dripped off his hand where his pinky finger should have been, a trail running down his arm from his shirt which had once been a bright yellow and was now crimson.
Cassandra didn’t scream or cry out as she stared at him and tried to comprehend what she was seeing. She’d seen a lot of things in her life. More than anyone she’d ever met. This was the first time she’d seen a dead body, though.
It was a surreal thing to see that river of red so dark that it almost looked black. Her eyes lost their focus as she stared.
Anyone who knew Cassandra would know that she wouldn’t have screamed. She wasn’t a screamer. That had been beaten out of her. She’d learned long ago that silence was safety. Whoever had killed her boyfriend could still be there.
She stepped backward, slowly, doing her best to not make a noise. She grabbed her purse and keys from the credenza. Her body moved without thought as she unlocked her car and got inside. The engine roared to life, and she drove away. Distance was safety.
Chapter 16
Captor,
You’re the one who killed Craig? You’re the one who tortured him? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you think that was okay? And why the fuck would you tell me?
Was it because he was cheating? That isn’t an excuse. I would have forgiven him. He may not have been the best boyfriend, but I’ve been with worse ones. He didn’t hit me. He didn’t make me feel afraid. He was pretty, and he made me laugh. And yes, he was very good in bed.
Were you jealous? That would make a lot more sense to me. You’ve followed me around, pretending to understand me. You see me and Craig together, and then you decide to kill him so that you can convince me to fall in love with you. That sounds about right for a psychopath monster.
Now you want to know how it made me feel? What kind of fucked up individual kills someone, captures their girlfriend, and then asks that kind of question? It made me want to cry. It made me want to scream and throw things. It made me afraid enough that I didn’t sleep in my own bed for two weeks.
Are you still fucking learning from me? Are you still wanting me to teach you how to feel? Here’s my first lesson. Don’t fucking kill people if you want their significant other to help you.
My question is “Why in the fuck did you kill him?”
Chapter 17
5 days since the Cage, Age 31
Cassandra woke up groggily. Something had happened. Something was different. She tried to wipe the sleep away from her eyes, but her hand wouldn’t move correctly. She tried to sit up and realized that her hands and legs were bound to the bed.
She also realized that all of her clothes were gone. The blanket was gone, and the kitten was nowhere to be seen. From the bathroom, she heard a soft repetitive meowing.
Cassandra’s legs were tied in such a way that she was fully exposed. Her feet had been tied with rope to her thighs, and her thighs had been tied to the bed frame, forcing her body into a completely open position. She pulled on her bindings, testing them one by one. She took deep breaths to calm her body as panic began to fill it.
She looked at a camera, acknowledging the man behind the lens. He had drugged her again. Drugged her and bound her body to the bed. She’d been so angry when she’d read his letter.
Once again, she’d let her anger control her actions. She’d let her anger fill the page, flowing from one damning comment to the next. Anger was the one emotion that she’d never been able to keep under control.
Now the Monster was showing her just how he dealt with an angry captive. She was spread for him. He’d already admitted to killing a man and kidnapping her. Did she really think that he would be opposed to raping her for her insolence? Was that what he’d meant by punishments?
The lights shut off, and Cassandra was left terrified. Her body tensed, preparing itself for the inevitable violation. The darkness meant only one thing. He was coming into the room.
The room was silent other than the kitten in the bathroom. Cassandra tried to calm herself. It was just rape. Just rape. That was all. He needed her. He needed her to teach him. She would survive.
The wind blew just enough for her hair to move.
Her legs pulled against her bonds once again, this time in hopes that she could break them or move out of them somehow. There were no flaws in the Monster’s knots. She would not be leaving her bondage unless he allowed it.
Her breath came out in soft pants as she tried to get a grip on her body’s instincts. She knew she had no choice in whatever happened at this point. There was nothing she could do to prevent it. Nothing she could do to stop him from doing whatever he wanted with her body.
“What do you want? My body? My fear? My pain?” She panted harder and fear crept past her normally logical and controlled mind.
“I won’t be able to teach you anything if you hurt me.” Cassandra’s hands pulled as hard as she could against the ropes. She heard the rope strain against her. She knew she was lying. If he hurt her, he could still force her to do things. As he’d said, pain was the ultimate motivator.
Then she heard a sound. Softer than she’d expected. A whispered breath. Not a voice, not a noise. Just the wind passing by a monster’s lips. Just an unnatural wind an inch away from her body, an inch away from her breast.
Sexual desire was part of it. Part of whatever drove this monster. It had to be. Otherwise, why would he be this close, this inquisitive. She could almost feel the heady desire coming off whoever was standing over her prone body.
She shivered. Terrified of the creature that held her captive. Terrified of what he might do. Her mind ran through scenes of possible torment that he could inflict on her bound body. Maybe it wouldn’t just be rape.
She knew pain. She knew how to deal with it, but at the same time, she was beginning to believe that the monster knew how to cause it better than any of her previous nightmares had.
Then the wind came again. The second one meant the door had shut and the monster was gone. Why had he left? Why hadn’t he raped her or tortured her?
Time passed strangely as the lights stayed off. She’d thought she could handle the darkness. She’d thought it would be like being blind, like closing her eyes, but it was different. Even when you closed your eyes as tight as you could, there was still the smallest amount of light getting through. This was different.
She’d gotten used to her life in the Cage. She’d felt comfortable. There had been worse cages. Cages without toilets. Cages without her kitten. Cages without food.
The darkness was something she’d never experienced, and it was like every second of it was exhausting and terrifying. Her body trembled even as Cassandra tried to calm it.
Nothingness. That’s what was so terrifying in this new dimension to her Cage. The only thing that pulled her back from madness was the soft meowing of her kitten. Now that her body was on high alert, she heard the little beast scratching softly at the plastic bottom of his cage in between meows.
He wouldn’t give up on escape. Even in the darkness, Cassandra closed her eyes and took another breath. Even a kitten knew that you couldn’t give up just because the cage felt unbreakable. She couldn’t give up either. She’d had a plan this morning.
She would not let the nothingness keep her from her plan. No matter what her captor tried to do, she would do everything she could to get out of the Cage.
She closed her eyes and let the time pass in darkness.
Chapter 18
Cassandra,
I thought it was obvious why I killed Craig. He was taking advantage of you, and you refused to leave. I knew that even if I showed you that he was cheating, you wouldn’t leave him. He wasn’t good for you. He had to go.
I could have done other things. I could have shown you his history of cheating. I could have shown you better men, or I could have even just scared him away. I’ve tried to help you in the past like this, but you rarely follow the pushes that I give you. I decided that this would be far simpler and far more effective.
You’ve spent your life doing good for everyone. You’ve given pieces of yourself to each of them, just as you give your food to that cat. The cat cannot help you. It will never be able to help you to escape. It won’t feed you if I take your food away.
That kitten, and every child you have saved from monsters owes you their lives. They’ll never be able to repay you. They’ll never give you anything or help you in any way. Yet, you continue to help them.
Craig saw this selflessness. He didn’t return the goodness that you deserved. Instead, he just took advantage it, of your ability to forgive. He did not deserve you, and he would have hurt you until someone forced him to stop.
He was my gift to you, no different than a kitten would bring you a dead mouse. It’s interesting that you would praise the cat for killing vermin, yet you are angry at me for doing the same simply because he was human and could lie to you.
If you must be angry at someone for killing him, I will let that anger fall on my shoulders. They are strong enough to carry even that burden, but I could not watch that creature crawl into bed with you a single night longer. He was not worthy of you, and he would never have become worthy.
You have done too much good for too many people for anyone to have allowed that man to continue to stay in your life. One day, I hope that you will understand my reasoning and that the anger will fade.
For now, I will accept that your anger is the cost of your safety. I had once thought that you would learn to protect yourself from those that would hurt you, but I have watched you for too long to be deluded. You’re not some ignorant teen. You should have learned to protect yourself long ago, but instead, you seem bound and determined to let the creatures of the world succeed in breaking you.
My question must veer away from our current discussion, though. “Why did you lie about your last answer?” You were not sad. I did not see you cry even once. You were not sad, and that is a lie. That is why you were punished today. I did not want to punish you, but it was necessary to remind you that there are rules, and you must follow them.
Chapter 19
26 years before the Cage, Age 5
“Ya have to go with ‘em, Cassandra,” Miss Faith said softly. A tear fell down her cheek as she knelt in front of the 5-year-old brown haired little girl.
“But… but… Miss Faith, why can’t ya keep me? I promise I won’t do nothin’ wrong again. I promise!” Cassandra looked up at the woman as she pleaded with her. Her eyes were filled with sadness.
“You didn’t do nothin’ wrong, sweetheart.” Miss Faith gave Cassandra a big hug as she let more tears fall.
“Then why do I have to go? Why can’t ya keep me? I don’t care if you don’t got no moneys. You’re nice. Really nice. There’s other ma’s and pa’s out there that ain’t so nice, Miss Faith. Please don’t make me go!”
“Honey, I don’t want ya to go, but we can’t be foster parents if the gov’ment is givin’ us housing assistance. Big Tony lost his job, and my hip don’t let me work.”
Cassandra looked down at the ground. This was her third foster home in a year and a half since her parents had died. Her first two foster parents had been ill-equipped to take care of a girl like Cassandra.
No one had understood her like Miss Faith and Big Tony had. Cassandra looked at Miss Faith. “Why not?”
Miss Faith picked Cassandra up with a grimace. Her hip had needed a replacement for almost twenty years, but there hadn’t ever been the money or the time. The arthritis had started when she was thirty, far younger than most, but now that she was fifty, there was no cartilage left. It was a wonder that she could get out of bed most days.
She held the child to her shoulder as she rocked her. Cassandra was too old to be held like this, but that didn’t matter to either of them. Cassandra hadn’t been held for six months before she’d been placed with Miss Faith and Big Tony. It had been hard on her.
“Them’s the rules, girl. You know how rules are. Even if you don’t make ‘em, you still gotta live by ‘em. Now,” she pulled Cassandra away from her neck and looked her in the eyes. “You best be good for the new ma and pa ya gonna get. They may not understand ya like me and Big Tony, but you know how to be good for ‘em. You best make me and Big Tony proud, ya hear me?”
Cassandra nodded to the older woman. “I won’t make ‘em hate me. I promise.” She paused for a moment. “But if Big Tony gets himself a new job, and you get a house again, can you come get me? Nobody’s ever gonna be as good a ma and pa as you and Big Tony.”
“Yeah, I reckon’ we can try to get ya when Tony gets a new job. Maybe we even try to ‘dopt ya,” she said with a thoughtful look in her eye.
“Really?” Cassandra said with wide eyes. “You’d really ‘dopt me?”
“I don’t know if the gov’ment would let us since we’re so old, but I think we’ll try. Now, don’t get your panties all in a bunch if it takes a while. Ya know how these things are. They take time.”
“So, you just remember to be on your best behavior, little missy. Don’t make them ma’s and pa’s have to whoop ya. Ya know they aren’t ‘sposed to, but there’s a damn sight lot of ‘em that’ll do it.”
“I promise, I won’t make ‘em whoop me none, Miss Faith. I’m gonna be the best little girl they ever seen.”
“That’s good.” She sniffled as another tear rolled down her cheek. “I love you, little one,” Miss Faith said softly. “I’m gonna miss ya more than ya know. I sure do hate that I’m gonna have to let some other folks raise ya for a time.”
“It’s okay, Miss Faith. They’re just gonna babysit me. Ain’t no big deal to have someone babysit for ya.”
“You’re too smart for your own good sometimes, little miss. And I sure am gonna miss it.” Miss Faith pulled her in for a big hug, not caring that her shoulder would hurt because of it.
“I’m only as smart as ya taught me, Miss Faith. And I sure am gonna miss you too.”
Chapter 20
Captor,
I lied because sadness is what people expect. How was I supposed to know that you would believe the truth? How was I supposed to believe that you wouldn’t punish me purely because you believe that I’m wrong?
Those are not my questions. They’re rhetorical, and those don’t count, as you have already set a precedent for. You have my word that I will not lie anymore. If you do not believe something that I say, then you may want to consider it for more than a moment, though. I have given you my promise, and if you know anything about me or my life as you say that you do, then you’ll know that my promise means more than most people’s.
I have answered your question, but I do not understand my punishment. You locked me into the bed. You took my clothes off and made it seem as though you were going to rape me. You did everything to make me afraid of a rape, but you didn’t do it.
I can’t decide whether you were trying to punish me through fear or through something else, and you decided against it half-way through. I am sure that the thoughts of what you could have done passed through your mind, but I can’t decide what it was that changed.
My thoughts are the only thing left to me, but the longer that I sit in this Cage, the more they become jumbled. I still do not understand your process, your needs, your desires for the resolution of this experiment on me. Which brings me to my question for the evening.
“What do you want from me?”
Cassandra Matheson
Chapter 21
5 Days since the Cage, Age 35
The man looked at the screen, the camera moved slowly as he watched Cassandra in her sun dress playing with the kitten. Tigger was what she’d named it. He didn’t understand the naming of an animal when there was only the one. He’d never understood the love that a person could have for an animal for that matter.
That was the problem with him, though. He didn’t understand so many things. He was broken. So terribly broken. And he’d always been like that. At least for as long as he could remember.
It was time for him to pick up the food and notebook.
He walked away from the cameras, the soles of his dress shoes squeaking slightly as he walked across the hardwood floor. Dark wood beams framed the doorways of the place he called home. The drywall had a spackled look to it, and the ceilings were high.
