Sparked, p.1
Sparked, page 1
Notion Press
No.8, 3rd Cross Street,
CIT Colony, Mylapore,
Chennai, Tamil Nadu – 600004
First Published by Notion Press 2021
Copyright © Yashika Vahi 2021
All Rights Reserved.
eISBN 978-1-63781-476-5
This book has been published with all efforts taken to make the material error-free after the consent of the author. However, the author and the publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.
While every effort has been made to avoid any mistake or omission, this publication is being sold on the condition and understanding that neither the author nor the publishers or printers would be liable in any manner to any person by reason of any mistake or omission in this publication or for any action taken or omitted to be taken or advice rendered or accepted on the basis of this work. For any defect in printing or binding the publishers will be liable only to replace the defective copy by another copy of this work then available.
To Satvika,
For always listening.
This couldn’t have been possible without you.
“It’s like your heart is in a million pieces and you’re doing everything you can not to show it, everything you can to be strong, but then a tear falls from your eye, and you just don’t wanna keep it in anymore. You’re tired. You’re broken.
They told me I wasn’t beautiful, I listened.
They told me I wasn’t enough, I listened.
They fed me lies, and I kept eating them.
Because I thought that was what a good person was supposed to do.
But it killed me.
It fucking killed me.
Crying in the bathroom every day, all I ever wanted was for someone to hear me, someone to just see the pain I was in and tell me what I was supposed to do because I had absolutely no idea.
My heart screamed, ‘Please. Please stop. It hurts so much. I can’t take it anymore.’ But no one listened.
And that was okay.
Cause I didn’t need anyone.
But now everything is falling apart, and I just can’t take it anymore.
Cigarettes don’t help. Harming myself doesn’t help.
Nothing helps anymore.
I just want someone to see me. I want them to know how much it hurts. I want them to know that I have tried my best.
But I can’t anymore.
I can’t be strong anymore.
I’m sorry. I know you’re probably disappointed in me, but I can’t act like it doesn’t bother me.
All I do is hurt people, and I just… I don’t know what I should be doing because I try my best and it still isn’t enough, and I just can’t anymore.
I just wanna make it stop. Please make it stop.”
1
Mia
8thApril
6:17 a.m.
I’ve been having nightmares lately. I know it’s pretty common for teenagers to have nightmares, but the thing about my nightmares is that it’s the same one every night, almost as if it’s a memory, a bad memory. THE EXACT SAME ONE EVERY TIME. It’s like I’m lying on a bed, totally wasted, and then suddenly a man enters the room, but I can’t see his face because it’s a blur. He starts removing my skirt and starts to put his dick into me, even with me crying and screaming for him to stop. They’re like glimpses of a memory that I can’t even remember, but I’m not really sure if it’s a real memory either.
It’s 6 a.m. and I’m awake, ON A SUNDAY!!! I’ve been waking up early because of the nightmares, and one thing that I really hate about myself is that after waking up, it’s impossible for me to go back to sleep again. Anyways, I get up, brush my teeth, wash my face and go to the kitchen and GUESS WHAT I FIND? A note from Dad saying he’s left for Dubai for his business trip and that he was sorry he didn’t meet me before going because he didn’t wanna wake me up.
Dad’s a big businessman, so these trips are pretty common for him. He’s gonna be there for the next two months, so I really wish he had woken me up.
Ever since Mom died, Dad’s been acting distant. He’s always busy with work and is usually quiet at the dinner table. When Mom was alive, we all used to have so much fun together, but now, everything’s changed. Dad’s hardly at home, and even when he is, he’s either sleeping or working. I know he’s been through a lot, but I just wish I could spend more time with him.
It’s been two years since Mom died, and there’s not a day that goes by when I don’t miss her. After her death, I just felt incomplete and destroyed, and so did Dad, I guess. She was the most important part of our lives. But I’ve learned that what’s been done has been done and we can’t change that. We can’t bring back Mom, but we can keep her spirit alive because she was a good person and she deserves to be remembered. It was difficult to look at her photos the first few months, but now, I just look at them, imagine Mom and smile.
It was hard to lose Mom and even harder to get over her death, but I did. Because deep down, I knew it was what she would’ve wanted me to do.
I meet Eleanor, Hannah, Sophie, Noah and Liam (the group) at HAWKS for lunch, and to be honest, I’m still a bit sad about Dad leaving without saying goodbye. I’m sure most of my friends think I’m heartless because of what I did to Logan and Daniel. I cheated on them and I don’t even remember why, and I know that makes me a bad person, so I feel dumb talking to my friends whenever I’m sad.
But just being with them makes me really happy; they’re so fun to be with. I know they love me, and they’ll support me no matter what I do. It’s just that sometimes I’m scared to let my feelings out.
“So, what are you gonna wear tomorrow?” Eleanor asks. “Mia?” she adds when I don’t reply to her question.
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask when she waves her hand in front of my face, trying to get me out of my thoughts.
“I was just asking what you were gonna wear to school tomorrow.”
“Haven’t decided yet. You?”
The rest of the conversation fades as I realize tomorrow’s the first day of senior year. I love going to school. I know most teenage problems include high school, but for me, it’s the opposite: going to school is literally what keeps me going on in life. I have the perfect school life—straight-A student, state-level badminton player and the class president.
I know what you’re thinking: she must be the popular girl at school who bullies everyone… but, well, I’m not that. I’m good friends with almost everyone in the school, and I don’t think anyone hates me (I think).
2
Mia
9thApril
7:45 a.m.
I call Dad as I get ready for school and then wait outside my house for Noah and Liam to pick me up. They live only two miles away, so we usually go to school together. I post an Instagram story #firstdayofschool with a selfie of me and Noah and then facetime Eleanor, Sophie and Hannah to see what they’re wearing.
“You’re literally gonna meet them in like ten minutes,” Noah says when he notices I’m on a call with the girls.
“Just shut up, bro!”
He shakes his head and chuckles.
I’m so excited as I enter the school. I meet some of my friends and then go toward my locker. I start feeling tired after some time, which is strange considering the only thing I’ve done till now is take out books from my locker.
“You okay, M?” Eleanor asks, “you look a little pale.”
She comes out of nowhere, so that scares me a bit.
“Yeah, slept late last night, so I’m just a bit tired,” I scoff, touching my chest in relief, “and my name is Mia, El.”
She knows I hate being called M.
It’s lunch time already and I’m talking with my friends when Becca comes to our table and invites us to a party she’s having at her house tonight.
“Becca’s gotten hot,” says Noah, checking her out as she walks away from our table.
“She got a nose job last month,” Eleanor elaborates.
“Seriously?” Noah smirks, which is enough for us to understand he wants to hook-up with her.
“Eww, man!” Liam makes a disgusted face. He hates Becca because he thinks she has a lot of attitude. Even I do, but he said, and I quote, “You might be a bitch, but you’re not one to me. Besides, it’s not like I can just say, ‘Mia, I’m not talking to you anymore cause you got a lot of attitude,’ that’ll be rude.”
I laugh as I remember Liam saying this to me at a Christmas party, and everyone starts giving me a look.
“You seriously gotta get yourself checked,” Noah taunts.
“Oh, shut up!” I say, slapping his shoulder.
“Anyways, are we going to this party?” Hannah asks, and they all look at me.
“Can’t miss a party with vodka now, can we?”
Eleanor
9thApril
11:39 a.m.
I enter the English classroom like I usually do—LATE. I come in looking at my phone, so I only see the teacher’s face after I sit down.
“Holy fuck!” I mutter when I see his face, and everyone starts laughing.
SHIT! Did I say that out loud?!
The teacher’s my hook-up from last summer, so I’m really (REALLY) surprised to see him here.
“Is there something wrong, Miss…?” he asks.
FUCKER!!! Does he not remember me or something?
“Eleanor.”
“I just forgot to…” I stammer as I find myself at a loss for words, “b-bring a… pen?”
“Well, I’m sure one of your friends will be pleased to lend you one,” he says, “and please mind your language in the classroom.”
WHO THE FUCK IS HE TO TELL ME TO MIND MY LANGUAGE? Well, I guess he is my teacher. Waaaiiiitttttt! Does this mean I’ll have to call him “sir”??!!!!!!!!
OVER. MY. DEAD. BODY.
“Okay?” he asks.
“Yes, sir.”
UGH, I feel like the funny crying emoji.
After the class FINALLY gets over (fifty minutes never felt so long before), I’m gladly going out when he asks, “Eleanor, may I talk to you for a moment?”
“Yeah, sure,” I say and then look at Mia, who’s going outside with Hannah, sliding her fist up and down (code for blowjob), smirking.
The guy doesn’t notice, and I pull my lips into my mouth, trying to control my laughter.
After everyone’s out of the room, I say, “So you do remember.”
“Couldn’t forget even if I wanted to,” he grins as he leans on the table.
DID HE JUST… FLIRT WITH ME???? I should be annoyed, but it makes me smile.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in your third year of college?”
I don’t hook-up with a lot of people, so I usually remember these small things.
“Yup, but I figured what’s the point of learning literature when I already know how to write.”
I mull it over for a second, “That does make sense, I guess.”
“But did you have to teach here?” I ask.
“There’s no other high school in the area. Besides, this is just temporary. I’m working on a novel, and as soon as it’s over, I’m outta here. But till then, I need a good-paying job and this one pays really well for an English teacher.”
I sigh, “This is so weird.”
“I know.”
“Can’t you find a different class to teach?”
“Can’t you find a different class to learn?”
“Will you at least pass me in every exam?”
He laughs, “Only if you deserve it.”
I roll my eyes and leave the room.
“Uh, what’s your name by the way?” I come back as I realize I forgot his name.
“You remember that I’m supposed to be in my third year of college but not my name?”
I smile, pulling my lips into my mouth, “Yup.”
“Nathan.”
“Ohhh!”
Ian’s waiting near my locker and pulls me in for a peck when he sees me, “Hey babe!”
“Hey!”
Lol, I forgot I had a boyfriend. DON’T JUDGE, OKAY? I like him, I do. A lot. But sometimes, I’m so lost I just forget about a lot of things.
Should I tell him? That my English teacher happens to be my hook-up from last summer? Yeah. Probably not.
Either way, it doesn’t even matter, right? It’s in the past now.
“You going to Becca’s party?”
“Yeah, I—”
Before I complete my sentence, Mia comes from behind and wraps her hands around my arm. “Your time’s over, love,” she says to Ian. They both fake a smile at each other and then Mia takes me away.
They both act like they like each other, but in reality, I can tell they just want to rip each other’s souls apart.
When I first started dating him, Mia was always pulling pranks along with Noah to make me believe something bad about him, but eventually, she started to respect the fact that I liked him. She still hates him, of course, but I think it’s really sweet of her to stop fighting with Ian because of me.
“Soo, what did camp hottie want?”
“You remember?”
Our whole group’s been going to camps in the summer for the past six years, and last summer, as you can obviously figure out by now, I hooked up with Nathan. But I seriously didn’t think Mia would remember him. What if the others do too? Well, never mind. It was before he became a teacher.
“You were literally screaming and jumping everywhere after making out with him. Of course, I remember!”
I chuckle, “Okay, you’re exaggerating.”
“Is that… Holy shit! You’re blushing. OH, THANK GOD! Now you’ll finally dump your douche-ass boyfriend.”
“Um, first of all, no, that’s not happening. I still like my ‘douche-ass boyfriend,’ and second of all, he’s a teacher. It’s literally illegal to be with him now.”
“When has that ever stopped you before?”
“What? I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“Come on, it’ll be an adventure.”
“An illegal adventure!”
She scoffs and shakes her head, “A dangerous adventure. You love those.”
“You’re out of your mind!” I chuckle.
“Whateverrrr,” she taunts and walks away.
I notice Nathan as he comes out of the class, and we both look at each other for a second (Awkward silence? Try awkward eye contact). I stand still as I watch him walk away. Now that I think of it, he is REALLY cute.
GOD!! I keep having flashbacks of him and me at camp. Ugh, did Mia have to poke me about this? How weird is this? Ten minutes ago, I really liked Ian and now, POOF! Just like that, I don’t feel anything for him.
I guess I should break up then, before things start to get serious. I can’t lie to him about this, and I certainly don’t wanna hurt him any further than he will be by the breakup.
Six boyfriends in four months? What the hell am I even doing with my life? But seriously, I know you’ll think it’s impossible, but I actually liked all of them. NOT KIDDING. I just get attached to people real quick.
Mia
9thApril
3:21 p.m.
The group comes over to my house after school, and we smoke a bunch of cigarettes.
Most people just assume that teenagers smoke to be cool, but I don’t think that’s true. I smoke because it helps me escape from the real world.
Being high is such a good feeling; you forget about everything that’s bothering you. It’s basically like meditation but way more harmful. I’m not saying it’s wrong of people to be against smoking, but I just feel like it’s wrong of people to judge those who smoke. I mean, life’s hard, REALLY FUCKING HARD, you need something to make you feel better at times. Some people have lovers in their lives for that, others have hobbies. Me? I have weed.
It’s so ironic, the packet says “Smoking kills” and yet it happens to be the only thing making us feel alive.
My friends leave at around 8 p.m. to change for Becca’s party, and we all decide to meet there directly.
I’ve been feeling restless all day and I really feel like taking a nap, but if I do that, then I’m gonna have to miss the party, and back to school parties are really fun, so I don’t wanna miss it. It’s like I need to sleep, but I don’t want to sleep.
Anyways, I’ve decided to go to the party. I make myself a cup of coffee and drink it as I select my outfit. I’m wearing a red V-neck crop top, black ripped denim shorts and black boots. Most of the girls prefer wearing dresses at parties, but I feel like shorts are sexier.
I put on red lipstick and black eyeliner and then find my car keys.
I’m driving to Becca’s house when I get a call from Noah.
“Yo, what’s up?”
“I don’t know Becca’s address.”
“Check your Insta. El sent it on our group.”
“Can’t you just pick me up?”
“What? NO!! I already passed your house like five minutes ago.”
“What if I reach the wrong house?”
“Use the GPS, man, come on.”
“I don’t have data.”
“I thought you had postpaid?”
“I forgot to pay the bill.”
“Just pay it right now, dude.”
“Mom froze my card last week.”
He isn’t gonna stop annoying me until I pick him up, so I agree to do it.
“UGH, fine, I’ll be there in five. SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN!”
He’s already waiting outside the house when I arrive and grins as he sits in the car.
After some minutes, he disconnects the Bluetooth from my phone and starts playing songs from his Spotify.
