Irreversible damage irre.., p.10
Irreversible Damage (Irreparable), page 10
“I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to him,” I admit, feeling the tears slip from my eyes, the warm drops running down my cheeks.
“I know.” She nods understandingly. “I felt the same way when I lost my baby.” A tear falls from her cheek. I squeeze her hand. “And I lost my husband, too. I regret it every day.” She releases my hand and walks to the door. She stops to look at me before opening it. “Should I send him in?”
My heart squeezes. I can’t imagine my life without Brady. I nod my okay. “Thank you.”
The door closes and then opens a second later. Brady’s swollen green eyes meet mine, and a sob bellows from my chest. “I’m so sorry, Brady.”
He rushes to my side, covering my body with his. “I love you.”
We hold each other for what seems like an eternity, crying and trying to find comfort in one another. His life has been filled with heartache and turmoil. I’m the one person who’s never caused him grief, and now I’ve provided him with his greatest loss. It’s a guilt that will consume me every day of my life. Will he forgive me? Do I deserve it? I feel disgusted with myself. I judged Davey without ever considering his circumstances. He didn’t look and act how I thought he should. What kind of a person does that?
Brady lifts his body off me and sits on the edge of the bed. His hands brush hair from my face while he removes tears with his thumb. “Tug told me what happened.”
My chest heaves as I wait for him to spit anger at me for my foolishness.
“He also told me you feel responsible.”
I turn my head, unable to stand the look of pity in his eyes.
His hand grips my jaw, pulling my head back. He looks directly into my eyes. “You’re not.”
My body is wracked with uncontrollable tremors as I cry out, “I should have listened to him!”
He brings me to his chest, holding me tight. His hands tangle in my hair. “No. I should’ve told you, especially after Davey attacked you at the club.”
I want to agree with him, but I can’t. Brady’s loyalty to his friends and family is one of the things I love most about him. I understand why he didn’t tell me. He harbored his own secrets for years. His embarrassment and shame were more than he could bear, much as I’m sure it is for Davey.
I pull away, reach up, and hold his face between my hands. “It’s not your fault, either, Brady. I won’t let you own the blame.” He shakes his head, reaching for my hands. I hold tight. “It’s not. I understand why you never told me. You’re a loyal friend. I love that about you. I refuse to fault you for that.”
He pulls me back to his chest. I cry against him, wondering where we go from here. How do we move past this?
“It’s going to be okay,” he whispers.
I’m not sure which one of us he’s trying to convince more. “Where is she?”
His body tenses beneath me. “Tug is making funeral arrangements.”
Hearing him crushes me again, causing tears to return with fiery vengeance. “Oh.” It’s all I can manage to say. As morbid as it is, I want to hold her tiny hand, kiss her cheek, and tell her I love her. Tell her how sorry I am. I never will. I’ll never hear her laugh or watch her take her first steps. She’ll never go to prom. Brady will never walk her down the aisle. I failed her. More importantly, I failed Brady. For the first time since we’ve been together, I failed to be strong for him. I vow to try now. He’s suffered enough.
Chapter 15
Tori
After three grueling days, I finally use the restroom, and the hospital agrees to release me. I can’t wait to go home. Brady has doted over me nonstop, and as grateful as I am, if I don’t get out of here, I’m going to lose it. I want to sleep in my own bed.
Once I’ve signed a few forms, I’m wheeled downstairs. Brady pulls up in his truck and opens the passenger door before helping me inside. The trip home is short and quiet. I sit with my head resting on the window, watching the dilapidated buildings pass by. I wanted out of the hospital, but now that I am, the hollow pit of my stomach feels deeper. My head aches. My fingers won’t stop shaking. The constant vibration in my body makes me feel sick. Reality sets in. I’m going home without my baby girl.
When the house comes into view, I fight off tears, willing my mind to stay strong.
Brady insists on carrying me into the house. He sets me down on the sofa. As I look around the room in a haze, I try to hold back my tears. I fail. They exit my eyes with force, like they do every damn second of every damn day since Mona died. It’s a deep, torturous kind of pain, a constant ache, a constant reminder.
I stand up. “I’m going to go up to bed.”
“I’ll help you up the stairs.” Brady’s arms are around me, guiding toward the stairs.
I hold my hand up, shaking my head faintly. “No. I’m fine.”
His hands fall from my waist as he gives me a disappointed frown. “Okay. I’ll check on you in a bit.”
I nod and head up the stairs. On the way to our bedroom, I spot the open nursery door. I step into what should have been our baby’s room and glance toward the closet. I’m not entirely sure how long I stand there, staring at the neatly hung outfits. I imagine what she would have looked like. I envision her in one of the outfits. I see Brady in the rocker soothing her to sleep with a song.
My neck heats as each thought increases my anger.
It’s not fair. I want my fucking baby!
“Why?” I scream before racing to the closet and tearing each piece of clothing from its hanger. I run into the bathroom across the hall and return a minute later with scissors. One by one, I cut the outfits to shreds, trying desperately to shake off the feeling of hopelessness that has consumed me since the day I awoke to an empty bassinet. Next, I go to the crib, pull the comforter out, and slice into it repeatedly. My gaze lands on the pink teddy bear in the corner of the crib. Brady gave it to me two days after we found out our baby was a girl. Suddenly exhausted, I sink to the floor, my fight all but gone. I clutch the bear to my chest, glancing up at the door. Brady watches me from the doorway, his expression enough to bring on a new round of tears, but they don’t come. “Why didn’t you stop me?”
He shrugs before walking over and sitting on the floor next to me. “I thought you might need to get it out.”
The tears are trying to come, but instead all I can do is retch. Maybe I’m out of tears. I should be. “I’m so sorry.”
His hands slide under my jaw, pulling me forward. He kisses my forehead before bringing me to his chest. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“It wasn’t yours, either.” My voice is a whisper as I peer up at him. “What happens now?”
He smiles, kissing my head again. “I’m not sure, but as long as we’re together, I know we’ll be fine.”
I reach up and cup his face. “I love you.”
Brady stands and lifts me up. He carries me down the hall to our room and sets me in the bed. “You get some rest. I’ll clean it up.”
I feel high on hope. “Thank you.”
His brow wrinkles. “For what?”
“Taking such good care of me.”
He smiles, bending down and giving me a quick kiss. “I always will, Sunshine.”
My heart melts for this man. I don’t deserve him.
Brady
I clean up Mona’s room before going downstairs. It’s not an easy task, but I don’t want Tori to see it when she wakes up.
Liv and Harrison are in the kitchen, eating lunch. Harrison stands and grabs his keys off the counter. He nods understandingly at me. “I’m off to the Center. You need anything before I go?”
“No, thanks,” I answer him quickly.
He plants a kiss on Liv’s head. “See you later.”
Liv nods. “Love you.”
As soon as Harrison’s out the door, Liv rises from the table. “Hey.” She looks pained as she makes her way over to me. Her arms reach around me to pat my back in a relaxed hug. She pulls back. “How is she?”
“I don’t know.” Honestly, I don’t have any idea whether what happened upstairs is something I should be worried about or not. I can’t say I haven’t felt that angry at times, but seeing Tori like that gutted me. I don’t want to talk about it. If I have to explain what happened upstairs, I’m sure to break down again. I can’t do it. I need to be strong for her.
“I’m sorry, Brady.”
I love my sister. She read me like an open book and knows not to push.
“Can I go see her?”
I shake my head. “She fell asleep.”
“Okay, well…how about you, bro? How are you dealing with this?”
“Fuck if I know.” My fist hits the counter angrily. “I hate that she blames herself.”
“I know you do.”
“The funeral’s tomorrow. Her parents will be here tonight. I hope having her mom here will help.”
Liv smiles. “I’m sure it will.”
The doorbell rings. Liv looks up at me, surprised. “Are you expecting someone?”
I shake my head in response.
“I’ll get it.”
She walks to get the door, and I follow behind her. She looks through the peephole, the worry on her face clear as she turns to face me.
“Who is it?”
She swallows before answering. “It’s Davey.”
I feel the rage bubbling up inside me, ready to erupt. My fingers twitch as I try to contain it. I know Tori doesn’t think it’s his fault, but I blame him. “Open it.”
“Brady.” Liv’s palm flattens against my chest. “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”
I remove her hand. “I said, open it.”
She reluctantly agrees and opens the door. The cuts and bruises on his face are nothing compared to what I want to do to him. His eyes are wide as he looks at me.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Davey?”
“I called him.”
I turn to see Tori coming down the stairs. I’m confused. Why would she do that?
“I want to talk to him.” She goes to the door, opening it wider and waving her hand at him to enter. He bows his head and steps past us.
“I’m going to head out for a walk,” Liv says as she steps outside. She gives me a wary look. Tori closes the door behind her.
“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”
Davey looks terrified standing between Tori and me. He should. He’s correct. This was a really bad idea. I will never be able to keep from pounding the shit out of him for what he did.
Tori must feel the anger pouring off me, because she steps between us. Her baby blues look at me pleadingly. “Brady. I need to talk to him. Can you give us a minute?”
“There’s no way in hell I’m leaving you alone with him.” My eyes burrow into him, sending every ounce of fury his way. He keeps his head down. He’d better keep it down if he wants to live.
“Brady, this is not his fault.”
My head snaps back toward Tori. I see by her expression that she means it. Why is she defending him?
“You won’t hurt him.”
I rein in my emotions, knowing it will upset her if I don’t. “Fine. I won’t, but I’m not leaving.”
Tori motions to the chair for Davey to have a seat. He does. Tori and I sit on the couch opposite him. His hands are folded in his lap as his foot taps nervously.
“Davey, I invited you here to apologize.”
What? Why the fuck is she apologizing to him? He looks just as surprised as I do.
“You don’t need to do that.” He looks between us. “I owe both of you an apology. I never should have come here that night.”
“You’re damn right!”
Tori squeezes my hand, shooting me an enraged look.
I ignore it. “Why did you, then?”
“I knew how Tori felt about me.” His eyes move from Tori to me. “I also knew I let you down. I felt bad. I thought I could explain what happened to Tori and she might understand me a little better. I never meant for anything bad to happen.”
I ball my fists. “But it did.”
“I know! And I hate myself for that!”
“Not as much as I hate you.” I stand and reach for him, grabbing a handful of his shirt.
“No! Brady, stop.”
Tori pulls my arm. I release Davey and sit back down next to her.
“I don’t blame you, Davey. I want you to know that.” She looks at me for a minute, like she wants me to know, too. Her eyes travel back to Davey. “We all made mistakes. I do understand what you’re going through, and I want to help you.”
My mouth is agape as I listen to her. Fuck helping him. He’s long past help.
“Why would you help me?”
“You helped Brady.” She smiles and grabs my hand. “You could have let him take the fall with you, but you didn’t. If it weren’t for you, Brady and I might have never found each other.”
“I said some horrible things.” I hear remorse in his voice.
“Yes, and so did I,” she admits. “I get why you felt the way you did.”
“I’m sorry.” He’s looking right at me. “I was jealous of what you had.”
Tori nods at him. “Gibson Capital has some resources that I think can help find your child.”
His surprised expression moves between the two of us. “You’d do that for me?”
I don’t say anything.
“I would, but you have to get some help first,” Tori tells him confidently. “No father deserves to be separated from his child, but you need to be straight if you’re going to be in your child’s life.”
He looks like he might cry. “I’ll do anything.”
“Good.” She smiles kindly at him before turning to me. My heart soars with emotions. “I need to do this to heal.” I nod, reaching up to stroke her face with the back of my fingers. “Will you help him?”
I don’t know why I never thought of it before. The P.I.s at Gibson can find anyone. “Of course.”
I turn my head to look at Davey. He looks hopeful. “I’ll find your kid if you get help and a steady job. You have to work.”
He nods solemnly. “Thanks.” He stands and looks down at Tori. “I don’t deserve your help.”
She stands and offers him a hug. “Yes, you do.”
He shakes my hand and leaves. I spin to face my beautiful girl. “You are one amazing woman.”
She shakes her head furiously. “No, I just feel awful for him. To go through what he did and then lose his child is so unfair.”
I don’t even know what to say to her. I’m filled with admiration for her and renewed hope for us.
Chapter 16
Tori
At four we leave for the airport to pick up my parents. We drive Liv’s car, as there’s not enough space in Brady’s truck or my Jeep. Brady’s been quiet since getting in the car. We both have, our thoughts adrift with what tomorrow will bring. I squeeze his knee reassuringly. He glances at me briefly with a small smile. Then his eyes return to the road as he takes my hand and holds it.
We pull up to arrivals and spot my parents on the curb. My mom searches my eyes through the window. Her face is solemn as her shoulders sag. Once the car stops, I jump out and engulf her in a hug. She cries against my shoulder.
“Please don’t cry, Mom,” I say, trying to soothe her as best I can while Brady shakes hands with my father before putting their things in the trunk of Liv’s car.
My mom finally leans back, wiping her tears with her palms.
“I’m fine,” I reassure her as I open the front door for her to slip in.
“I’m sorry,” she says with a tender smile as she drops into the front seat. I join my dad in the back. He reaches over and puts his arm around me. I rest my head on his shoulder as Brady drives away from the curb.
We ride in silence, crossing the border and arriving home just before nine. Tug’s Porsche is in the driveway, along with Harrison’s car. My mom and I go inside while my dad and Brady get the luggage.
When we open the door, Harrison, Liv, and Tug are watching TV in the front room. They hop up and hug my mother. She hugs them back. Tug takes her sweater when she removes it and drapes it over the couch. Brady and my father come through the door with my parents’ luggage. After shaking hands with my father, Tug and Harrison take my parents’ things up to the guest bedroom.
“I have some snacks out in the kitchen,” Liv offers.
“Oh, thank you, dear, I’m starving,” my mother responds. Liv grabs her hand, steering her to the kitchen. The rest of us follow.
Before we reach the kitchen, my dad stops, clasping a hand on both my and Brady’s arms. “How are you two really doing?”
I smile, wrapping him a hug. “We’re good, Daddy.”
Liv’s outdone herself with food. The table is covered in fruits, veggies, crackers, and cheese. We could feed an army. We sit around the table, snacking and talking as though it was any other time my parents have come for a visit. No one wants to poke the elephant. It’s perfect.
“The house looks lovely,” my mother chimes in, glancing around. The last time they were here, we hadn’t done much to the place yet.
“Thanks. Liv has a bit of a shopping problem.”
Harrison snorts. “Yeah, you should have seen how much crap she bought for the…”
He stops himself, and Liv gasps, “Harrison.”
“No, it’s fine.” I have to be able to talk about these things. Everyone has been on eggshells, and I hate it. “She went a little overboard on the nursery.”
“Oh.” The small frown casting over my mother’s trembling lips shatters me.
I pull myself together and straighten my spine before I cry. There will be enough tears shed tomorrow. “I loved it.”
“I’m sure it’s beautiful.” My mom smiles.
It was until I took the scissors to it. “So, Dad, how’s the job?” I glance at the faces around the table, noticing the relief in everyone’s expressions for the shift in conversation. My dad grumbles something none of us can hear.
“His boss is in an incompetent asshole.”
A rumble of laugher fills the room. My mother is not one to curse. “Mom.”
