Irreversible damage irre.., p.24
Irreversible Damage (Irreparable), page 24
“I know it’s difficult to accept. I suggest that you and Brady listen to what the doctors have to say, and then do what your hearts tells you.”
“What would you do if it were me in that bed?”
“Oh, honey. That decision would be left to Brady. As your spouse, he would decide, just as your father would for me. But your father and I have made arrangements.”
“You have?”
She nods. “We didn’t want to worry about it, and we didn’t want it to fall on you if one of us is already gone. We have a ‘do not resuscitate’ order in our will.”
Brady and I don’t have a will. We’ve never discussed these types of things. God, what if something happened to both of us? What would happen to our baby? No matter what decision we make about Andrew, I’ll make sure my affairs are in order. As for today, I have no idea what Brady wants to do. He hasn’t said one word to me, and I don’t suspect today will be any different. The doctors have told both of us that the outlook is not good and that after seventy-two hours, if Andrew hasn’t woken up, we should consider the possibility of letting him go. I stayed at the hospital talking to him until Liv forced me to come home with her last night so I could sleep before Brady and I had to meet with the doctors. How can they ask us to make this decision? How can any parent let their child go? I can’t wrap my head around it.
My mom leans back on her hands and starts to speak, but stops. She pulls the envelope with the paternity results out from under my pillow.
“What is this?”
I try to snatch the envelope from her hand.
Her eyes work their way over the front of the envelope. “Genetic Diagnostic Centers?” Her concerned eyes meet mine. “Is the baby okay?”
I sigh and take the envelope from her hand. “Yes. It’s just some precautionary testing. I’m sure it’s fine, but I couldn’t open it until I got through this, in case it’s bad news.”
She nods as though she understands. Her expression is clearly skeptical, and I know if she pushes, I’ll cave. She doesn’t push.
The door to my room flies open, and a crying Liv comes barging into the room. Her tears don’t match with her smile. “He’s awake.”
I hear her, but I’m glued to my bed, relief holding me hostage.
“Did you hear me? Andrew’s awake.”
I finally jump from the bed and throw my arms around her neck as happy tears spill from my eyes. “He’s awake?”
“Yes, and we need to go to the hospital. He’s asking for you.”
“He is?”
“Yes, Brady said he won’t talk to anyone until he knows you’re there.”
My smile disintegrates. Andrew’s worried that I broke my promise. He thinks I left him.
“Come on, let’s go.”
“I need a minute, please,” I tell both my mom and Liv. “Wait for me in the car. I’ll be right down.”
They agree and leave me alone. I go to the bed and pick up the envelope. I have to know. My fingers shake as I slip them under the seal and tear it free. As I pull the letter out, my hands shake so badly that the letter flaps around. I can barely unfold it. I take a slow deep breath in before I look down and read who my baby’s father is.
The drive to the hospital seems to take forever. I spend most of it thanking the powers that be for bringing Andrew back to us. My father stops in front to let us out. Liv holds my hand as we walk inside. She stops at the corner of the hall leading to his room. “You go. I’m going to wait here with your mom. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I take the corner and walk the long hall to Andrew’s room. I knock once before slowly opening the door. Brady’s at his side. He turns to me with soft green eyes and a genuine smile. I’m taken aback. I’ve seen nothing but hatred in his eyes for three long days. Without a word, I look past him to where Andrew is resting. His eyes are closed. All the tubes that were keeping him alive have been removed. The only thing left is his IV.
“He woke up, and the first thing he said was, ‘I want my mom.’”
My eyes sting as a wave of uncertainty washes over me. I shouldn’t be here.
“When I told him I didn’t know where she was, he said she had been here.”
My head tilts in confusion as I try to follow along.
Brady swallows hard. “He said he heard her talking to him. He heard you.”
I gasp and reach up with my hand covering my mouth. I try to contain my tears, but they don’t stop. “I’m so sorry, Brady.” It’s all I can manage to say.
His mouth turns down. He gets up from the chair. As he passes, I reach out to grab his hand. He pulls away as though my touch burns him. “Andrew needs you, but that doesn’t mean I forgive you.”
I blink, surprised by his blunt declaration. He keeps walking and slips out the door. Although my heart feels like it’s sliced in two, I rein in my tears, knowing I need to be strong for Andrew when he wakes up. I sit down next to him, holding his tiny hand in mine.
“He loves you.”
It feels so good to hear him speak, even if his voice is small and hoarse. I smile. “I know he does.” I pat his hand. “I’m so happy you’re awake. I was so scared.”
“Thank you for keeping your promise.”
He doesn’t say anything more. He smiles and watches me. I kiss his fingers and run my hand over the top of his head until he drifts to sleep again.
Chapter 30
Tori
A week later they let Andrew leave the hospital. Brady is handling all the discharge paperwork and bringing him home. All the guys from Second Chances and my parents are at the house for his homecoming, and are patiently waiting for him to arrive. The band delayed their tour after the accident, but they have to get back out soon, or the label will renege on their contract. Liv and Harrison are helping Rodrigo at the Center today, so they couldn’t be here until later.
Brady still isn’t speaking to me. I don’t have to ask to know how angry and hurt he is. His eyes say everything. Today is going to be especially awkward. Everyone knows things aren’t right between us. I hate it. I won’t move out of the house, though, unless he asks me to. I haven’t spoken to Tug since he left the hospital. Liv says he’s fine, busy with work and trying to move on.
The front door opens, and Andrew walks into a house full of guests who take turns showering him with affection. His boyish grin fills the room with happy energy, covering up the usual hostile tension everyone feels when Brady and I are in the same room together. He’s kissed and hugged by everyone before he comes over to sit on my lap. He cuddles in close to me, and I hold him tight. I catch Brady watching the two of us, but I quickly turn away. I hate what I’ve done to us.
About an hour later the guys leave, and my parents take Andrew upstairs for a bath. Brady and I are left alone together for the first time since the accident. Tension buzzes between us. I can’t take it. I turn to go to the kitchen, but a heavy sigh from Brady stops me. I don’t turn around.
“He’s happy you’re here.”
I spin to face him, feeling angry. “Say what you mean, Brady.” I take a few steps closer to him. “Say that you’re unhappy I’m here. Tell me that you want me to leave, but you won’t ask me because it will hurt Andrew.”
He flinches at my words as though they’re a slap in the face. “You hurt me.”
“I know I hurt you.”
“I don’t know what to do. Andrew wants you here, but seeing you every day is killing me.”
I close all the space between us. Our chests seal together. My pulse pounds in my ears. Brady tenses but doesn’t step away. I look up at him, begging my voice not to crack, and say, “If you can look me in the eye and tell me that you want me to go, I will.” Dread fills me as I wait for his answer. I struggle for a full breath. What will I do if he tells me to go?
“But…Andrew…”
“No!” I cut him off. “This isn’t about Andrew. I’ll move to an apartment close by. I’ll watch him still. I’ll take him to school every day and do everything I’ve been doing with him. This is about us, Brady, because I have to know. Do you want to let me go?”
His faint sigh caresses my lips. The charge between us is as strong as it’s ever been. I know he feels it. I want to hug and kiss him so bad it hurts. I don’t. I stand tall and wait.
His eyes flick to the window and then back to me. “I…Tori. It’s not that simple.”
“It is…I’m not saying things will go back to how they were right away. I’m only asking whether you love me enough to try.”
He nods, his lips skimming mine. I shiver and hold my breath. I can tell he’s thinking. “I want to.” He kisses my lips swiftly before taking a step back. “I know I love you too damn much to let you go.”
Before he says another word, I reach for his hand, setting the folded piece of paper into it. I’ve been carrying it with me, waiting for the right time to share it with him. I needed to know he wanted to save our relationship before I gave it to him. Otherwise, I would always wonder if my having his child is the only reason he’s with me.
“What is it?” he asks, confusion swimming over his face.
I smile. “It’s our incentive.”
He looks nervous unfolding the letter. His eyes scan the paper before a colossal smile spreads across his face.
The paper slips from his hand and floats to the floor. His eyes are on me, but he doesn’t say anything. There’s a knock at the door, which breaks his concentration. Gabe steps through the door when Brady opens in. “Sorry, I forgot my phone.”
Gabe’s gaze travels to the coffee table. He points to his phone. “Ah, there it is.”
I notice Brady watching Gabe with a strange look on his face. The two stand facing each other. There’s tension floating back and forth between them. I can feel it. They’re sharing some awkward form of silent communication. I wonder if they’ve had a disagreement about the band. I don’t dare ask. Gabe’s eyes flick to mine, but only briefly. When Gabe crosses the room to the coffee table, Brady’s eyes follow him.
Gabe picks up his phone and slides it into his pocket. He looks at me with a small smile before turning his head to Brady. He walks toward the door and stops in front of Brady. The two exchange a bro hug. I hear Gabe whisper something in Brady’s ear, and then he’s gone.
Brady’s head is down as he walks past me. He doesn’t stop and say anything. He won’t look at me. His heavy steps disappear up the stairs. I have no idea what just happened. My eyes well up with tears. With blurry vision, I bend down and pick up the paternity results from the floor. I sit on the couch, holding the paper in my hand. He said he loved me too much to let me go, and yet he walked away without a word. My heart and my brain feel like they’re at war. My heart knows Brady still loves me and wants to be with me, but my brain is screaming that he will never be able to forgive me. After the way he left the room, I’m starting to agree with my brain. Having a baby together can’t change how betrayed he feels. He could look past some faceless guy from Minnesota, but not Tug…not his brother.
Brady
After slamming my bedroom door, I fall back on my bed. I still can’t believe the baby’s mine. I’d convinced myself the test would confirm Tug is the father. I’m happy, but I’m also angry and confused. After I read the results, I wanted to take Tori in my arms and tell her we’d be fine. I couldn’t do it. I know she thinks this is all because it was Tug. Who it was doesn’t matter. I’m not jealous. I know she loves me. It’s the effort she put into deceiving me that I can’t get past. It reminds me too much of Sheila. I was just about to tell her that I think it’s best if she moves out when Gabe had to show up.
All his words from the hospital rained down on me. I imagined what I would feel like if Tori moved out and then was gone for good. I flipped through various scenarios: car accident, cancer, and the worst one, complications during childbirth. I can still feel the doubt that snaked around my heart and squeezed hard as I stared at Gabe. Then he whispered to me on his way out, and I can’t get his words to quit ringing in my ears. “Every night when I close my eyes, she dies all over again.”
Fuck! I think back to my conversation with Nate and how he said he could never get past his own anger and resentment. My own wrongs creep into my mind. I shut Tori out until she felt she had no choice but to leave me. The grief I felt kept me from seeing she was sick with PPD. I never helped her. Hell, I didn’t even notice. When she left, I told her I’d fight for her. I didn’t. I’m equally responsible for her ending up with Tug. I should have gotten on a plane the second I received those annulment papers and demanded an explanation. We wouldn’t be in this situation if I had.
I can’t imagine my life without her it. We’ve come too far. Despite my anger, I love her more than my own life. Ours is a love that won’t be dispelled simply by ignoring it. It can’t be concealed by separation. The heart knows no distance, only misery. It will never let me forget her, and I’m a fool if I think I can.
Chapter 31
Tori
I can’t stay here. As much as it kills me, it’s time for me to accept that what Brady and I had is over. Pretending everything is going to work out will only lead to more heartache. With a heavy heart, I leave the living room to go upstairs and talk to Brady. As I turn toward the stairs, Brady’s there. He holds my gaze as he marches toward me. His face is expressionless. My heart skips a beat as I watch his green gaze close in on me.
Without a word, he scoops me up in his arms. I relax into him, resting my head on his shoulder. My fingers dive into the hair at the nape of his neck. His eyes devour me. “I’m taking you to bed, and I’m going to make love to you, and tomorrow you’re going to wake up knowing just how much you mean to me.”
***
I wake to an empty bed. Salt air blows in through the open sliding glass door. Brady must have gone for a run. I listen to the waves crashing against the rocks below. It’s a peaceful sound that matches my mood this morning. I smile, remembering Brady’s words as he carried me up the stairs last night. I know exactly how much I mean to him. I roll to my side, my eyes focusing on the tissue next to me. I pick it up and look at it.
Never look back. I love you like crazy! – xB.
I go downstairs to grab some crackers. They’re the only thing I can put in my stomach before noon without throwing up. As I lean against the counter, munching a saltine, Tug appears in front of me. He looks ragged, like he’s been on one hell of a bender.
“What are you doing here so early?”
“It’s late for me, pretty girl.” He smiles, his voice full of playful laughter.
I lift my eyebrows. “Okay…and you’re here because…”
He tosses a manila envelope on the counter. “I have some forms for Brady to sign, and I wanted to see how my nephew was doing.”
“Andrew’s sleeping still,” I tell him, shoving another cracker into my mouth. A small part of me still holds him responsible for what happened. It’s wrong. He loves Andrew as much as the rest of us.
Tug glances at the clock. The awkwardness between us is palpable. I want to yell and scream. I want to beat the crap out of him. I want my playful, stupid, laugh-inducing friend back. “Right, well, I guess I’ll come back later.”
“The baby is Brady’s.” I blurt it out when I can’t come up with a delicate way to say it. He needs to know.
He half smiles, though it doesn’t hide his disappointment. I hate that I feel like I should apologize. “I’m happy for you.”
I roll my eyes. “You don’t have to lie.”
“Okay, then, I think it sucks.” I’m horrified, but only briefly. Tug starts laughing and lifts my chin with his finger. “Relax, pretty girl. Honestly, I am happy for you. I told you, I’ll take you any way I can. Even as my friend.”
A smile breaks out over my face. I feel some hope that we’ll actually be able to move forward.
Brady’s shirtless form jogging up the back steps has my nerves racing. I don’t know where things stand between them, although if Tug’s here with work stuff for Brady, they must have spoken at some point. Brady nods at Tug as he comes into the kitchen, and then kisses me. “Good morning, beautiful.”
“Oh, thanks, I’ve been using a new skin treatment.” Tug pats the side of his cheeks.
Brady shakes his head as I snort at Tug’s joke, thinking I must have entered some parallel universe. They’re interacting as though the last few weeks never happened.
“Are you guys good?” I ask nervously, glancing between the two of them.
“Didn’t I tell you?” Brady kisses my cheek before nodding his head in Tug’s direction. “We kissed and made up.”
I glance at Tug as I bite into another saltine.
Tug laughs. “Yeah, we blame our psychotic mother and shitty childhood. Everyone’s doing it.”
Saltine crumbs spew from my mouth as I choke on laughter. My eyes water. Brady sweeps the crumbs off the counter.
Tug laughs. “Dude, you really gotta teach her how to eat.”
“Nah, I like her dirty.”
My face flames red. I turn and smirk at both of them.
Our family is honestly the epitome of dysfunctional. Despite that, I’m thrilled they’ve made up. I love the two of them differently, but equally. Coming between them was taking a toll on me.
***
My parents leave for Minnesota in the morning. The day after that, Second Chances goes back on tour. Their second single breaks this week. The label is over the top with their success. I’m still in shock. They’ll be touring nationwide as soon as the label works out the schedule. It means longer periods of time that we’ll be apart, but our family is strong. Nothing will ever change that.
Tonight we’re having dinner at a nice restaurant in the Gaslamp Quarter. Brady wanted to get everyone together, since it probably won’t happen again until the baby is born. Andrew rode over with my parents so Brady and I could share some rare alone time on the drive in. Brady pulls up to the valet. My door is opened for me and I step out, walking around the front of the car. I drink in the sight of Brady in a suit. He looks like he walked off the cover of GQ. It’s a rarity. My rock star will always prefer jeans and T-shirts.
